I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We need to rekindle our bromance
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
