She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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