I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
