God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
