you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
