and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
