i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
