she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
