I'm drive I can fine osifer
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
