And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
