we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
