you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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