I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
