It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
