my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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