Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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