I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
