Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
