I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
