i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
