I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
