had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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