Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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