So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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