Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
