Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
