You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
