So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Screwed.edu
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
