i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
