It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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