i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Boobs are out for the taking
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
