OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
