Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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