"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
