who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
not ubering you a puppy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
