i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
