The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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