walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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