She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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