dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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