Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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