I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
