she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
