so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You ruined the universe
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
