Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
