Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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