can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
