i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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