John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
