oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
