I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
