I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
