well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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